what i want.

Artwork by Raphael Vicenzi

i wonder if i even know what i want anymore.

i have no idea what truth even looks like.

what do i believe?

what can i trust?

if what i thought i wanted could be so easily possessed than why am i still here?

shouldn't it be mine?

shouldn't i be it's?

where can i possibly go from here?

where am i going?

i wish i could've sat still.

i just wanted to be still.

but the tornado came.

it always comes.

it follows me from country to country

state to state.

my sand will never settle amidst the water and the rocks.

this journey will never end.

Expectations.

The occurrence of surprise reveals the nature of our expectations.

-Daniel Gilbert
quote from Stumbling on Happiness

sometimes.alexllyod. letitrain.okgo.

The traffic is jamming 

For miles up ahead 

Releasing emotions 

Deep in my head 

I wish it was easy 

Easy to breathe 

The words that we needed 

To get some relief 

I still hear you crying, then I see you smiling 

Even when I close my eyes 

Sending a rescue 

Coming to find you 

Do you think that we could save another day 

Try not to break down 

Walking the old ground 

I don't want to throw the life we had away 

Blocked up and cluttered 

Tired we stand 

Alone together 

Was just not the plan 

Something undenying 

In the underlining 

Even if I close my eyes 

Sending a rescue 

Coming to find you 

Do you think that we could save another day 

Try not to break down 

Walking the old ground 

I don't want to throw the life we had away

i don't want to throw the life we had away.

Let it rain, Let it pour 
Let it rain, Let it pour 
Hallelujah, Hallelujah 
Let it rain, Let it pour 

Cruise-control distressed, her kind of cursed and kind of blessed, engine running on the fume 
Vision blue and blurry, falling angels in a flurry, spinning thru the empty room 
Did you come here to dance? 
What's in your glass? 
Do you feel better now? 

Let it rain, Let it pour 
Let it rain, Let it pour 
Hallelujah, Hallelujah 
Let it rain, Let it pour 

mid-life crisis.

bad picture.

more to come - i'm sure.

i just need change, ya know?

Chills.

Tonight--all today really, was unreal.

un.real.

Today I was a part of history.

Today I was humbled.

Today I was inspired beyond belief.

Today rocked my world.

I can't even begin to understand or explain exactly what happened today.

All I know is that I have chills of inspiration that run down my spine.

Tonight was beautiful.

Going Green.

Well folks, today has finally come.  

can you even believe it?

sigh.

well....

I am headed one block away to my polling place right NOW to go vote.

It's ONE block from my house...weird.

I have researched and researched and researched.

Now it's time to go be a part of history.

See you at the rally in Grant Park later?

Who am I? and why am I here?

Today I had the extreme pleasure of grabbing lunch with my dear friend Jenna, who I hadn't seen in ages, which was highly unfortunate seeing as how much she inspires me.  We talked a lot about purpose- why we are here.  I really wish I knew why I am here so I could start fulfilling my purpose, but honestly, maybe I have already started.  Or maybe I should stop sitting around waiting to know my purpose and go out and find it, or rather, create it for myself.  What makes me tick?  What makes my world spin on its axis?  What brings me joy?  I am suddenly finding myself with more free time, although I haven't really felt very inspired to do anything with it, maybe now is a good time to start.  I need to get involved in something that will make this world a better place.  I need to get involved in something that will feed and honor my soul.  Maybe volunteer work?  But what org? Maybe a job?  But where?  These are all kinks I need to kick out on this journey, but at least I am starting to feel inspired enough to get out of bed and do something but cry and dwell.  I need to find something that will help define who I am, who I am becoming.  Also, although this is just in its beginning stages and may very well never come to pass, I have begun to research a new major--art therapy.  That would include WAYYYY more school than I want to be a part of and a change of schools, and well, location probably.  I don't think I'm ready to be done with chicago yet, but I can't seem to find an undergrad program here for it, so if that is the path I choose, chicago wouldn't be an option until grad school.  Maybe it is time to go.  I wanted to run, maybe this is my key to walk.  Maybe I'm supposed to run.  In the past sometimes running brought me to beautiful places. Also, I have been researching going to London next fall.  Maybe that's where I am supposed to be?  Maybe maybe maybe maybe.  I don't know what's going on and what it needs to be, but I know something needs to change.  I want to find my purpose.  I want to impact this world.

You can vote however you like.

This video made my day/month/year/life.

can running away ever solve anything?

does trading in your old life for a new one ever get rid of the reasons you left in the first place?

i've run and i've run and i've run.

maybe true strength is staying still.