well...

i'm "home."

...whatever that means.

i saw let the right one in tonight with my sister. a-freaking-mazing. truly.

best cover. ever.

THE PROUST QUESTIONNAIRE

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
a light heart and a peaceful mind at rest.

What is your greatest fear?
making the wrong decision.

What historical figure do you most identify with?
(i'll have to think through this one)

Which living person do you most admire?
erin foster. i hope she doesn't read this...that would be awkward.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
manipulation.

What is the trait you most despise in others?
ignorance.

What is your greatest extravagance?
picking up the check.

On what occasion do you lie?
if it keeps others from harm.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
i try not to focus on that. 

Which living person do you most despise?
funny-i can't think of a soul.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
i mean...   or    ya know?

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
i'd want to be happier more consistently. 

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
n/a.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
vulnerability.

If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
a butterfly.

Who are your favorite writers?
this list goes on and on.  my sister, caitlin, sue monk kidd, orson scott card, and sabrina ward harrison to name a few.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
ender wiggin.

What is your most treasured possession?
my passport.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

doubt.

Where would you like to live?
Where wouldn't I like to live?

What is your most marked characteristic?
well, now my pink hair probably.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
loyalty.

What is your greatest regret?
either being dumb and doubting, or being too smart and seeing clearly.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
books, films, and music.

If there is a Heaven what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?
"i didn't do anything because..."

what i want.

Artwork by Raphael Vicenzi

i wonder if i even know what i want anymore.

i have no idea what truth even looks like.

what do i believe?

what can i trust?

if what i thought i wanted could be so easily possessed than why am i still here?

shouldn't it be mine?

shouldn't i be it's?

where can i possibly go from here?

where am i going?

i wish i could've sat still.

i just wanted to be still.

but the tornado came.

it always comes.

it follows me from country to country

state to state.

my sand will never settle amidst the water and the rocks.

this journey will never end.

Expectations.

The occurrence of surprise reveals the nature of our expectations.

-Daniel Gilbert
quote from Stumbling on Happiness

sometimes.alexllyod. letitrain.okgo.

The traffic is jamming 

For miles up ahead 

Releasing emotions 

Deep in my head 

I wish it was easy 

Easy to breathe 

The words that we needed 

To get some relief 

I still hear you crying, then I see you smiling 

Even when I close my eyes 

Sending a rescue 

Coming to find you 

Do you think that we could save another day 

Try not to break down 

Walking the old ground 

I don't want to throw the life we had away 

Blocked up and cluttered 

Tired we stand 

Alone together 

Was just not the plan 

Something undenying 

In the underlining 

Even if I close my eyes 

Sending a rescue 

Coming to find you 

Do you think that we could save another day 

Try not to break down 

Walking the old ground 

I don't want to throw the life we had away

i don't want to throw the life we had away.

Let it rain, Let it pour 
Let it rain, Let it pour 
Hallelujah, Hallelujah 
Let it rain, Let it pour 

Cruise-control distressed, her kind of cursed and kind of blessed, engine running on the fume 
Vision blue and blurry, falling angels in a flurry, spinning thru the empty room 
Did you come here to dance? 
What's in your glass? 
Do you feel better now? 

Let it rain, Let it pour 
Let it rain, Let it pour 
Hallelujah, Hallelujah 
Let it rain, Let it pour 

mid-life crisis.

bad picture.

more to come - i'm sure.

i just need change, ya know?

Chills.

Tonight--all today really, was unreal.

un.real.

Today I was a part of history.

Today I was humbled.

Today I was inspired beyond belief.

Today rocked my world.

I can't even begin to understand or explain exactly what happened today.

All I know is that I have chills of inspiration that run down my spine.

Tonight was beautiful.

Going Green.

Well folks, today has finally come.  

can you even believe it?

sigh.

well....

I am headed one block away to my polling place right NOW to go vote.

It's ONE block from my house...weird.

I have researched and researched and researched.

Now it's time to go be a part of history.

See you at the rally in Grant Park later?

Who am I? and why am I here?

Today I had the extreme pleasure of grabbing lunch with my dear friend Jenna, who I hadn't seen in ages, which was highly unfortunate seeing as how much she inspires me.  We talked a lot about purpose- why we are here.  I really wish I knew why I am here so I could start fulfilling my purpose, but honestly, maybe I have already started.  Or maybe I should stop sitting around waiting to know my purpose and go out and find it, or rather, create it for myself.  What makes me tick?  What makes my world spin on its axis?  What brings me joy?  I am suddenly finding myself with more free time, although I haven't really felt very inspired to do anything with it, maybe now is a good time to start.  I need to get involved in something that will make this world a better place.  I need to get involved in something that will feed and honor my soul.  Maybe volunteer work?  But what org? Maybe a job?  But where?  These are all kinks I need to kick out on this journey, but at least I am starting to feel inspired enough to get out of bed and do something but cry and dwell.  I need to find something that will help define who I am, who I am becoming.  Also, although this is just in its beginning stages and may very well never come to pass, I have begun to research a new major--art therapy.  That would include WAYYYY more school than I want to be a part of and a change of schools, and well, location probably.  I don't think I'm ready to be done with chicago yet, but I can't seem to find an undergrad program here for it, so if that is the path I choose, chicago wouldn't be an option until grad school.  Maybe it is time to go.  I wanted to run, maybe this is my key to walk.  Maybe I'm supposed to run.  In the past sometimes running brought me to beautiful places. Also, I have been researching going to London next fall.  Maybe that's where I am supposed to be?  Maybe maybe maybe maybe.  I don't know what's going on and what it needs to be, but I know something needs to change.  I want to find my purpose.  I want to impact this world.

You can vote however you like.

This video made my day/month/year/life.

can running away ever solve anything?

does trading in your old life for a new one ever get rid of the reasons you left in the first place?

i've run and i've run and i've run.

maybe true strength is staying still.

All You Need.

Happy Halloween! :)

Today ended up being more fun than I expected, which was a pleasant surprise considering the sucky nature of my last couple of weeks.  I got to get all dressed up and go to dinner at Navy Pier with Kait, Chloe, and Suzi.  Since it was, after all, halloween, we went as the girls from Sex and the City, self proclaiming ourselves "sexy in the city."  I got to be Carrie--of course. ;). It was so nice to get dressed up and go out for a girls night like I'm used to back in texas.  i forgot how much I miss that and how alive it makes me feel just to be out and about going on new adventures with friends.  We ended our Navy Pier adventure with a ride on the ferris wheel.  as we headed up into the air it occurred to me...damn-I love the city.  I forgot that.  I LOVE this place.  Chicago is my home, for now at least, and I owe it all the adventure and spontaneity I can muster. 

Tonight i remembered::

sometimes all you need is :

good friends.

laughter.

cute clothes.

adventure.

and 

spontaneity.

and sometimes--that's okay.

Need. This.

This::

MUST become a part of my library asap.

this is crucial for my continuation in this world.

that is all for now.

welcome home tilly

so--there was a new addition to my family :: tilly.

she is such a cuddlebug, which i, of course, love about her.

i realllly wanted to name her bella, but that's probably just because twilight

ate my soul...

anywayyyyyy---she's super precious and so tinyyyyyy. all she does right now is sleep, but i heard that is normal of most puppies, so her playful side should pop up soon!!! eee!!!!

hmmmm...that's all for now :)