well...

i'm "home."

...whatever that means.

i saw let the right one in tonight with my sister. a-freaking-mazing. truly.

best cover. ever.

THE PROUST QUESTIONNAIRE

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
a light heart and a peaceful mind at rest.

What is your greatest fear?
making the wrong decision.

What historical figure do you most identify with?
(i'll have to think through this one)

Which living person do you most admire?
erin foster. i hope she doesn't read this...that would be awkward.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
manipulation.

What is the trait you most despise in others?
ignorance.

What is your greatest extravagance?
picking up the check.

On what occasion do you lie?
if it keeps others from harm.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
i try not to focus on that. 

Which living person do you most despise?
funny-i can't think of a soul.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
i mean...   or    ya know?

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
i'd want to be happier more consistently. 

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
n/a.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
vulnerability.

If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
a butterfly.

Who are your favorite writers?
this list goes on and on.  my sister, caitlin, sue monk kidd, orson scott card, and sabrina ward harrison to name a few.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
ender wiggin.

What is your most treasured possession?
my passport.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

doubt.

Where would you like to live?
Where wouldn't I like to live?

What is your most marked characteristic?
well, now my pink hair probably.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
loyalty.

What is your greatest regret?
either being dumb and doubting, or being too smart and seeing clearly.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
books, films, and music.

If there is a Heaven what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?
"i didn't do anything because..."

what i want.

Artwork by Raphael Vicenzi

i wonder if i even know what i want anymore.

i have no idea what truth even looks like.

what do i believe?

what can i trust?

if what i thought i wanted could be so easily possessed than why am i still here?

shouldn't it be mine?

shouldn't i be it's?

where can i possibly go from here?

where am i going?

i wish i could've sat still.

i just wanted to be still.

but the tornado came.

it always comes.

it follows me from country to country

state to state.

my sand will never settle amidst the water and the rocks.

this journey will never end.

Expectations.

The occurrence of surprise reveals the nature of our expectations.

-Daniel Gilbert
quote from Stumbling on Happiness

sometimes.alexllyod. letitrain.okgo.

The traffic is jamming 

For miles up ahead 

Releasing emotions 

Deep in my head 

I wish it was easy 

Easy to breathe 

The words that we needed 

To get some relief 

I still hear you crying, then I see you smiling 

Even when I close my eyes 

Sending a rescue 

Coming to find you 

Do you think that we could save another day 

Try not to break down 

Walking the old ground 

I don't want to throw the life we had away 

Blocked up and cluttered 

Tired we stand 

Alone together 

Was just not the plan 

Something undenying 

In the underlining 

Even if I close my eyes 

Sending a rescue 

Coming to find you 

Do you think that we could save another day 

Try not to break down 

Walking the old ground 

I don't want to throw the life we had away

i don't want to throw the life we had away.

Let it rain, Let it pour 
Let it rain, Let it pour 
Hallelujah, Hallelujah 
Let it rain, Let it pour 

Cruise-control distressed, her kind of cursed and kind of blessed, engine running on the fume 
Vision blue and blurry, falling angels in a flurry, spinning thru the empty room 
Did you come here to dance? 
What's in your glass? 
Do you feel better now? 

Let it rain, Let it pour 
Let it rain, Let it pour 
Hallelujah, Hallelujah 
Let it rain, Let it pour